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This morning was rough. I cried a lot. I know it's hard to understand why someone who seems 'tough' is melting down as adults, I think we all get to the point where situations become clearer and everything makes sense after breaking things down in their perspective order. No-one wants to lead a life of sadness, No-one wants to finish last place. The reality is all of us aren't built to be the best. Some people are just mediocre cause they allow themselves to be. Some just can't past all of the things that make it 'hard to get over'. I know me, I cannot allow myself not to be the best. Even it takes me 30 years to be the best me. I can be satisfied. Cause I worked hard to be the best. I have been struggling to understand why I am here. What is my purpose? The more I look around the less support and love, I have from the people I put my all into. I told my 'love' I cannot help that I care, as much as I say "IMMA BE MEAN" "FUCK THE WORLD" unfortunately I don't have it in me to actually feel that way. I care about everyone. I am always being considerate. I always try to do what I can to help anyone that needs it. That is just the type of person I am. Everyone needs support even if it just mental. We all need it. It builds the person, not making you but its a big part in forming you. With high hopes I get tired of saying "Ima be optimistic!' But for what? Being optimistic is a cop out. You don't need optimism you need motivation to get you to where you wanna be. I thin k alot of times we say stuff like that with a cloud of doubt surrounding it. All my life by everyone I have been treated like the so-so family pet. I am loved.Often forgot about, Ignored, the same love i show them they do not show it back if i get hoit or bit. It's always "You'll Be Alright!" and i am being ignored all over again. I have tried to over look the fact that my family treats me this way. My entire life I have been shuffled from home to home. And people acting as if I was a pest. Just a child. With a bad parent. It seems like my entire life has been on false hopes. So what is what everyone would say. pain is still pain and its has and NAME cause it doesn't feel good. Everyone has become "Condoms" its safe to tellme or someone some corny qote or message "its ok" "everyone goes thru it" DAMN that shit. Hit me with the truth. I am tired of quotes. I NEED SOLUTION. I wish people cared about me the same WAY i extend myself out. NOW i have nothing left of me. And that is why I say I am losing touch with myself.